Have you ever felt stuck or trapped in a situation. Sometimes people feel stuck or trapped in relationships, jobs or life in general. Today I was laughing really hard about a time when I got stuck. Trust me at the time of the situation, I was not laughing and this is what I remember. I felt anxious, I told my friend when I got trapped on that particular day. I knew I was anxious , because during the experience I broke out into a sweat and I wanted to scream let me out. However, I did not scream, because at the time I was too worried about the actions of the people around me and I just raised my hands in despair, with a frown on my face. Often more times than you can imagine, people are stuck or trapped because they are temporarily paralyzed by fear of the unknown.
So this is my experience: I went into a bank in the city and I am use to suburban banks. On that particular day I was in a rush to withdraw some funds, so a co-worker recommended the nearest bank. Once I got out my car I rushed into the bank and became trapped in a 2x4 enclosed set of glass doors and was unable to be let into the other part of the bank ,unknowingly until someone let me. So I panicked, I felt sick to my stomach, and I looked on angrily into the bank wondering what was happening to me. I felt like a toddler; wanting to kick, hit, scream and do whatever was necessary to get from behind those trapped doors, where someone had to release me. If you remember, I bank in the suburbs and had never felt this way. So I lifted my hands in despair and said to myself how and why in the world didn't I wait until later. Once I got back to work and shared my experience with my co-workers, they thought it was hysterically funny and that I was being bougie. Once again I felt shame, anxiety, frustration and fear for even sharing the experience with them because they were not able to relate to what I was talking about. I thought to myself, I damn near had a panic attack and they think this is funny.
Most people who feel trapped or stuck have a different story, but the same emotions. People who feel trapped in relationships for example, wonder what should I do? They often feel stuck in the relationship and have anxiety, fear, frustration and panic because they don't know what to do. The key to getting unstuck is to try something different. Don't keep trying to handle your relationship problems the same way you always do, because obviously it is not working. If you want something different to happen, you have to make a change even if it is only a small one. If your relationship is estranged, dead, tired or boring, you must find a way to make a small change. If you try one thing different, you will feel more motivated, more inspired and more hopeful about what can happen. Don't get stuck in the contemplation stage, where you are aware of the problem and just refuse to make any changes. If you don't take the next step and prepare to do something, try anything different, you will continue to stay stuck.
So how can you deal with the feeling of being stuck?
1. Examine why you are stuck? Are you stuck in your relationship because you feel like you are unable to get another partner ? Sometimes women are stuck because of abuse, religion, financial reasons, their age, and because they are too tired to take a chance on doing something different. You don't have to feel stuck , but you do have to take a risk and decide if this is how you really want to spend your life.
2. Prepare to make a change. This means examine what you like and don't like about your relationship. I usually recommend journaling, which helps you to express your emotions and gives you a picture of your actions in the relationship. When you journal it is an opportunity to write down your thoughts, behaviors, actions and privately reflect on the areas where your want to grow or realign your relationship goals. Journaling can also be used as a vision board for planning your next steps. Envision what your ideal relationship looks like.
3. Take action! After you have made a careful examination of your relationship you can decide what action steps to take to improve the quality of the relationship. If you take one small action step it will help you to feel unstuck in the relationship. For example, if you want to spend more quality time with your partner figure out when he or she is available and plan something that you both like to do. Don't worry about who is taking the lead, as long as you get unstuck and out of the rut of inaction.
4. Keep a positive attitude!! It always helps to remain upbeat, positive and focus on what is going well in your relationship. Our mindset is so important in everything we do. Having a positive vibe is what brings joy to most relationships. If you think positive and avoid thinking about all of the negative experiences you have had, you will feel much better about your relationship. Always focus on the postive and how to move forward in the relationship.
5. See a therapist. It is a good idea to go to couples therapy to improve your relationship. It never hurts to see a trained therapist to work on your self-development. If your partner does not want to go to see a therapist, go and work on yourself. A trained expert in the field of counseling, psychology or social work can help you with your relationships. Remember the one of the key factors in having a happier relationship is how you view the world around you. A therapist can help you change your perspective about life and your relationship. Remember our greatest fear is not that we are unloveable, but that we will be loved beyond measure. Or to use this quote" Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure" by Marianne Williamson